| hmmm. |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
i feel stuffed...been back from the coast and back to melbourne unpredictable weather...everything is depressing and everyone seems to be dressing for it...in BLACK!!! me? i don't know...i'm starting to hate melbourne...i don't seem to have a life here aside from studies and uni doesn't start until 27 Feb...i'm aching all over from swimming but happy nonetheless cause i started writing poetry again and wrote a short story two days ago...other than that i miss my friends; i miss sydney; i miss bathurst summer school; i miss having an active life!!!
ambivalence seems to be the theme of my life these days...add loneliness and moodiness and presto, i'm one cold spaghetti!!! |
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| rest |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|02:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
i'm in sydney...the city of my dreams...eventhough melbourne's a nice place, its busyness, smugness and gloomy weather is beyond me...i prefer the straighforward, no non-sense sydney...besides, i've got heaps of friends here...i've been visiting most of them and doing all the touristy stuff like visiting the rocks, st. mary's cathedral, rushcutters bay and all these sort of places...i flew christmas nite and it has been a very restful experience so far...i realised too how the past few years has bogged me down and allowed discouragement and hopelessness to have a hold on me....like a yoke behind my back, that's how i felt...but yesterday morning, that has been broken...God intervened so to speak and a new lease of life that someone was praying over me during SWORD Leadership training last Wednesday seems to be taking effect...there are still things that needs fixing and i need to attend to them quick but i'm not hopeless anymore...i have a new lease of life...and i'm beginning to truly rest. |
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| Before Saying Goodbye |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|02:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
I just visited a lecturer of mine...the one dying of cancer...I caught up with him and we chatted about a lot of things...we talked about grace and theology and the Jewish faith as well as personal glimpses of everyday holiness...he hadn't been feeling well for the past few days and the medication they gave him was making him sick...he also has a nurse come every morning to give him injections...still he was so serene...it was out of this world and that serenity bothers me...at the same time being with him soothes the aching emptiness inside...after a two hour visit and just chatting about everything that were on our minds, I feel light hearted...it wasn't anything he said but he was encouraging...he told me that I have the gift for theology and that to let my curiosity lead me to find answers and he told me about allowing theology and the human experience to come together...then we prayed before we parted...I was joyful when I left him and nostalgic as well in our final handshake...I am one whom without him knowing it was changed because of my encounter with him...I didn't go straight back to the city...I went to the beach to find some quiet there and to stretch and exhaust the experience, the encouter with my beloved teacher...as I am writing this, my heart is being ripped to pieces...bittersweet...because I don't know if I'll be able to see him again...when I was at the ocean a crazy hope was in my head: He is now starting to get well...I am hoping for a miracle but I am also thankful even if he doesn't recover...even if he dies...meeting him is a miracle enough...I have met a blessed one and he showed me the face of God...now, I am a believer...The Talmud says that two things must a man do in his life: first to find a teacher, second to seek a friend...PC is my teacher...now, I'm seeking a friend to share the grief when I face losing my teacher |
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| Tetelestai! |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|01:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
Tetelestai! It is finished! Exams over. Term's done. This student's very happy. I'm partying and partying and partying the blues away. P's makes a degree you know and all's well that ENDS.
Today is another day and I'm saving all my energies for it. I'm visiting someone who's dying of cancer but doesn't act like it. A friend of his likened him to Nikos Kazantakis' almond tree. Kazantakis wrote: "I said to the almond tree, 'Friend, speak to me of God' and the almond tree blossomed." I would visit him for myself. I needed to be inspired.
Then, I'll go to another friend who's celebrating his birthday and we'll party 'til Sunday. So, I better hit the sack so as to wake refreshed!
Tetelestai! Thank God!!! |
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| Poetry Of A Bored Student |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|03:25 pm] |
Under the ceiling
nerves wrecking
looking for something to do
checked the food
chopped some wood
still understimulated
flying away to a land far flung
screaming the stress out of collapsing lungs
boredom's curse still beginning |
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| Tired |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|10:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
It's one of those days...that one where you feel so pooped because you haven't had enough sleep and you are cramming 325 pages of lecture notes for a 2 hour exam. The weather seems commiserating: dark foreboding clouds, howling winds and lots of rain. The only comfort is knowing that everyone in my class is in the same boat as I am.
Read Graham Greene last night. It sent me to bed. I guess, he's too intense for someone who's already having an intense time.
I think that's it for now. Brain's full. Actually, more like brain's dead. |
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